Post by bobdoc on May 25, 2007 20:36:00 GMT -4
One of Us part 2- present day
None of us say any words to each other as we walk through the jungle, which is both odd and comforting. After everything we went through today, I'm not quite comfortable with talking on and on, and surely Austin isn't either. Jack is going on as if nothing's wrong- unfortunatly, that stare in the back of my head that I feel from Jarrah is another matter.
After he annouces we'll make camp, I stay behind to finally wash some of this mud from my face. At the very least, I should look presentable when I meet the rest of Jack's people. Not that that's what they'll care about. The endless accusations, stares, and anger that I'll be in for when I get there...I wish it was unjustified.
So many of them are flawed and tortured, and so few of them are truly "good people" according to Ben's logic. But still, I'm both worried about meeting them...and a bit anxious. After so long of hearing about them through files and Ben's accusations against them, I get to see them for myself...it would be very interesting and worthwhile if I didn't have a job to do.
When I get done washing, I see the first obstacle to my task, Jarrah. Ben told me all about him, how hot tempered he was, and how he's much harder to trick than some of his friends. But it's best to get this out of the way now- if I can stand up to him and hold him back, it should mean I really am ready for this.
"Okay...let's have it." I look at him with no emotion or sign of my feelings....a look I've gotten far too good at for my remaining tastes.
"I want to know what you people are doing on this Island. Why you're terrorising us. Making lists. Kidnapping children. I want to know everything. But the first thing I'd like to know is, who are you?"
Ben wasn't kidding, he is good...
Even if I could tell them everything Ben didn't want them to know....how could I answer who I was, after everything I've done? Everything they made me do, or that I chose to do- actually, I did choose to do everything they made me to do, so that makes this even worse.
Once more, I feel sick on the inside, knowing who I've become and how I should be judged for what I let myself become. And this time, a judge is staring at me in the face, waiting to condemm me out loud.
"Who are you?"
I can't tell him...but I can give him an honest idea to buy time.
"If I told you who I was. If I told you everything that I know....you'd kill me."
"What do you think I'll do if you don't?"
That blank, robotic look on my face just got a little harder to maintain. But at that moment, I hear Jack coming to save the day. "Leave her alone."
"She'll answer your questions when she's ready. And you'll wait until she is. She's under my protection."
Jarrah clearly is in no mood to wait, but it no longer matters now. I almost let a smile of relief and triumph show, but I keep those emotions inside for now.
Later on the next day, it's just me and Jack walking together, thankfully. It's strange- I have to be on my guard with him more than anyone, because he's the one person that can ruin everything if he knew. And yet, he's the only person here I feel completly comfortable and free with. I certainly wouldn't make little jokes and asides to Austin and Jarrah like I'm doing with Jack. "I guess its no use asking them to wait up huh?"
"They'll come around. Just give them some time." That's almost easy for him to say, and a bit naive too. So much so that I don't feel upset, but keep on as if I was joking. "My people kept Sayid chained to a swing-set for three days, then I dragged Kate into the jungle, handcuffed myself to her and lied about it. How much time do you think they need?"
"We'll be back at our beach in a couple of hours, they'll probably be over it by then." We laugh almost as if lying and deceit and imprisonment has become our little inside joke. It certainly is like a running gag, considering how often it's happened in the last 3 months. But it's a better feel than the nerves I still have, and which'll be at the forefront in a few hours.
Almost before I know it, they fly by and we're there. Even with all the reports Ethan gave us about this place...it's still stunning up close. That these people could almost make a real home out of this, so soon after the crash...it at least rivals the inginuity of Ben's people.
I stay back to let Jack. Austin, and Jarrah have their reunion moments. The happiness and tears coming from them, as well as the nerves I feel when I realize they'll see me soon enough, make it almost go by in slow motion for me. I pass the time looking at the people and recognizing them from their files. Ford I know instantly as he comes up to Austin. The Kwons are right there....and I see Littleton struggling to get up and greet Jack. The implant is working...
After I identify them all, I suddenly see Ford looking right back. "The hell is she doing here?!"
Soon they all look at me. Now we've officially met- and I can tell they've figured out that I'm "one of them" already. Sadly, this is going exactly the way I figured it would.
When the dust settles, I'm able to sit by myself at the beach, content to just keep to myself until I'm needed. At the rate it looks like Littleton is suffering, that should be by tonight. Now how do I stay healthy and defend myself until then? Jack can only do so much.
"Hey." I barely need to turn and see that Reyes, of all people, is there with me. We knew he was one of the good ones, almost to an extreme degree, despite his vast psychological problems. I didn't think he was that good enough to come see me voluntarily- he probably isn't. But I have nothing better to do, so I play along. "So. You're like one of them, huh?"
"I'm Juliet." There's probably no point in holding my hand out to shake.
"I don't remember you from the dock. Where you put bags on our heads. After you shocked us." One of Ben's more over the top methods...
"I had the day off." At least that much is true, and it looks he almost got a laugh out of it- almost. "So I hear you're a doctor."
I correct him by telling him my real job, and we go back to our uneasy silence. By then, I pretty much guess what he's doing here. "They send you over here to keep an eye on me?" He doesn't bother to deny it.
"The last one of you guys that came over here. Ethan? He kidnapped Claire and...Charlie got upset. We buried him over there."
Ethan....so fitting that now, of all times, I remember him. The man who helped bring me here, and the man who's work is making this part of the plan all possible...although we could have avoided this entire war if not for his "improvising" with Littleton. And then who knows where I would be now. I doubt much could be worse than this.
I don't even stick around to listen closely when Jack has to answer his friends questions. I just wait for any signs that Littleton has reached critical mode. Surely either Jack, or Pace, will make enough noise when it happens to give it away. And soon enough, late at night, I hear it.
In order to keep apperances up, and make absolutly sure they think I don't know what happening, I ask the Kwons what's happening. Apperantly Jin insulted me in Korean, so that's probably enough pretending. Once I notice Austin, I decide it's time to get going.
All right then...just follow what Ben told you to say, and this'll be a harmless ordeal- or have the apperance of it. "Kate! I need your help. I need you to go and get Jack."
"Look he's busy right now.", with her usual annoyed inflection.
"Please, I have to talk to him." Of course, that's not enough for her, and I know it won't be. So I have to start spilling secrets. "Because I think I know what's wrong with Claire." Wait for it.... "Because I did it to her."
So when she finally gets Jack here, I tell them everything I can. About the pregnant women on the island, about my medication- about how we really took Claire to save her life- and about how Ethan almost ruined it by acting completly on his own. I neglect to mention that they killed him before we could figure out why he went that far overboard to treat her and get her back, but that's not important right now. More urgently, I tell them I can save her now.
"Look, I know how this sounds, but without those injections, Claire would have died. Without the serum, she's going into a form of withdrawal, and if I don't treat her quickly, her immune system could shut down entirely." Jack looks too skeptical right now, and I still need him badly, so I address him personally.
"Jack! I can fix this. I just need the serum. Ethan kept a stash of medical supplies near the caves where you used to live. If I go right now I can be back before its too late."
Naturally, Austin doesn't look to buy this completly. But Jack has no choice. He wouldn't even let Ben die in the face of all that happened in the surgery, now he's gonna let Littleton- someone closer to him than even he knows- die because he doesn't trust me? That's not in his character at all, and even if he is uneasy, saving a life is far more important to him than that any day. From looking at him now, I can tell he's thinking the exact same thing- it wouldn't surprise me if we were thinking the same thing, almost like I used to with Ben.
"Do it. Get moving." And I follow his order perfectly.
It takes until morning to get to the drop point. If Ryan did his job, then the case should be right there. And sure enough, it actually is there. Something actually happened that went according to plan.
"Step away from the case!" Of course...
Ford and Jarrah both are in their usual angry moods, so this won't be easy. Of course they would keep me from saving Littleton just to get what they want. "Listen to me, Sayid....Its full of medical supplies. They're for Claire. Jack knows all about it."
"Jack ain't here right now, is he?" I'll bet Ford actually thinks he's being witty. But I have to at least let him see the case, maybe the supplies will help him see this is on the level- to a point. "I'm telling you the truth."
"You said earlier if you told me everything you knew, I'd kill you. I'm going to test the validity of that statement." He probably said something along those lines to Ben, too...at least with me, he hasn't shot at me quite yet.
"He means talk.", Ford adds- of course I wouldn't expect him to care more that one of his people is dying, but maybe they still have some reason. "We don't have time for this."
"We cleared our schedules. We got all the time in the world."
This will not happen....she's going to die, and I'm going to lose my chance all because these people are questioning me? Them, of all people? Ford, with all the trouble he caused on the Hydra, and Jarrah, with all the trouble he caused Ben- and all the pain they've caused so many people back home? No...I will not be finished by the likes of these people.
So I fight back the best way I know how- with my memory.
"You know its interesting, that you two are now the camp's moral police. I'm curious, Sayid, how long was it before you told everyone on that beach exactly how many people you've tortured in your life. Do they know about Basra?" His face doesn't betray too much emotion- but I know I've gotten to him. Now for Ford..
"And I'm sure the first thing you did when you got here, James, was to gather everyone in a circle, and tell them about the man you shot in cold blood the night before you got on the plane. So why don't we just skip the part where you two pretend to be righteous?" Excellent....now move in for the kill.
"I'm taking that medication back to Claire. And you're gonna let me. Because if she doesn't get it, she's gonna die. And the last thing, that either of you need right now...is more blood on your hands."
Ford doesn't even move a muscle.
I'll worry about how much I sounded like Ben later...
Once I finally get back to Jack, I have to wait for Pace to say I can't touch her. I just prepare the medicine while I wait for Jack to get him away, and he does so quite well. By the time he does, the shot is all but set up.
"How long before this takes effect?"
"We should see results in a few hours." I get ready to work- but for some reason, Jack stops me. Why would he delay me now?
"Juliet...if this doesn't work, if something happens to her. I'm not going to be able to protect you anymore. You'll be on your own."
I know this'll work, so this doesn't effect me. Not so much as the last part does. You'll be on your own...the story of the majority of both my lives.
"I'm already on my own, Jack."
When it's done, she's asleep, but we know she'll be okay. I go back to the shore afterwards to await what'll happen next. If it worked the way Ben planned it, then they should start to trust me now, or put aside their mistrust long enough. But I still know Jack's the only one who'll talk to me, and after what I did, I've made sure I have his complete trust. That part is at least secure.
Soon enough, he comes back. "Got a tarp. A couple of blankets. Some airline pillows. Its not much but, it'll get you started. Claire's awake. There's a lean-to that we've been using for shade. And, everyone says that it'll be alright if you set up camp there. For now."
It worked. I actually got more out of this than I thought. I almost can't believe I did this right....of all the times to actually have something work, though.
"They're good people." Well, we know some of them are... "They're willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. But, eventually they're gonna need some answers."
And the only reason they still have to ask is because he's fought them off tooth and nail so far. They don't have answers because he won't let them corner me.
After everything we've done to his people, everything we've done to him. Why?
"Why don't you? You keep talking about them. Why don't I ever have to explain myself to you?"
And what he says stuns even me.
"You were there. You were standing right next to me when that submarine exploded. In that moment, I saw it in your eyes. You wanna get off this island more than anything else in the world."
"That makes you one of us."
Even in all the times Ben said I was one of his people, and anytime anyone else on this island said it to me...it never filled me with as much hope and healing as when he said it to me.
For the first time in so long, I'm with someone who actually understands me and can sympathize with me...and these people would understand me too, if only it was easier for them to trust me.
If only they never found out what I have to do to them...
These are people that want what I want...will fight to the end for what they want...and I'm going to betray them.
As I make my tent, I struggle to come to terms with that more than I have since my last meeting with Ben. I remember it as clear as day, as if I'm watching it right in front of me on the island.
"Let's go over it again, just to be sure."
"I drag Austen out into the jungle, handcuff myself to her, then tell her I was gassed just like she was."
I even knew back then how difficult that would be and how much of a pain it could be- though I didn't think it would happen exactly the way it did.
"And if she catches you in the lie?"
"I'll admit to it. Tell her it was the only way to earn her trust."
"Good. What then?:
"They'll take me back to the beach." And now, days later, here I am...staring at all of them, seeing them go about their business as if something isn't coming for them.
"I know you want me to go there....but after everything we've done to them, its going to be a problem." I told him. But as always, he had his plans all set- what would he be without his plans?
"We've activated the implant in Claire, she should be symptomatic in the next 48 hours. By the time you get to that camp, you'll have a nice big crisis to solve." And the timing was perfect indeed. I look at Littleton and see just how fine she is thanks to me- compared to how awful she was thanks to me.
"I'll need supplies."
"Pryce is already on his way. He'll hide the case at Ethan's old drop-point." I already start staring at Jack as I remember what Ben said next. "Tell Jack that you can save her. He trusts you."
I give Jack a friendly smile, to match the one he's giving me. That doesn't help calm my guilt- just as Ben's reassurances didn't help calm them down on that day. But Jack doesn't know that, and I didn't tell that to Ben either, even when he asked if I was all right.
"See you in a week."
The last words I heard from him. I'll probably hear his voice on our tapes, but I won't see him- there must be about 5 days to go until it happens.
Until then, I have to keep Jack and everyone else in the dark, and get what I need until it's over.
It can't be over fast enough...and not just because I want to go home. Not anymore.
I bury those feeling deep down, after finishing my little memory of my talk with Ben. That's what I know I'm good at. Do that this one last time, and it'll be over.
So I return to my blank stare, not letting anyone detect anything in case they're still watching me, and go back to work on my new tent.
Setting this camp up for disaster is as simple as that....in theory.
None of us say any words to each other as we walk through the jungle, which is both odd and comforting. After everything we went through today, I'm not quite comfortable with talking on and on, and surely Austin isn't either. Jack is going on as if nothing's wrong- unfortunatly, that stare in the back of my head that I feel from Jarrah is another matter.
After he annouces we'll make camp, I stay behind to finally wash some of this mud from my face. At the very least, I should look presentable when I meet the rest of Jack's people. Not that that's what they'll care about. The endless accusations, stares, and anger that I'll be in for when I get there...I wish it was unjustified.
So many of them are flawed and tortured, and so few of them are truly "good people" according to Ben's logic. But still, I'm both worried about meeting them...and a bit anxious. After so long of hearing about them through files and Ben's accusations against them, I get to see them for myself...it would be very interesting and worthwhile if I didn't have a job to do.
When I get done washing, I see the first obstacle to my task, Jarrah. Ben told me all about him, how hot tempered he was, and how he's much harder to trick than some of his friends. But it's best to get this out of the way now- if I can stand up to him and hold him back, it should mean I really am ready for this.
"Okay...let's have it." I look at him with no emotion or sign of my feelings....a look I've gotten far too good at for my remaining tastes.
"I want to know what you people are doing on this Island. Why you're terrorising us. Making lists. Kidnapping children. I want to know everything. But the first thing I'd like to know is, who are you?"
Ben wasn't kidding, he is good...
Even if I could tell them everything Ben didn't want them to know....how could I answer who I was, after everything I've done? Everything they made me do, or that I chose to do- actually, I did choose to do everything they made me to do, so that makes this even worse.
Once more, I feel sick on the inside, knowing who I've become and how I should be judged for what I let myself become. And this time, a judge is staring at me in the face, waiting to condemm me out loud.
"Who are you?"
I can't tell him...but I can give him an honest idea to buy time.
"If I told you who I was. If I told you everything that I know....you'd kill me."
"What do you think I'll do if you don't?"
That blank, robotic look on my face just got a little harder to maintain. But at that moment, I hear Jack coming to save the day. "Leave her alone."
"She'll answer your questions when she's ready. And you'll wait until she is. She's under my protection."
Jarrah clearly is in no mood to wait, but it no longer matters now. I almost let a smile of relief and triumph show, but I keep those emotions inside for now.
Later on the next day, it's just me and Jack walking together, thankfully. It's strange- I have to be on my guard with him more than anyone, because he's the one person that can ruin everything if he knew. And yet, he's the only person here I feel completly comfortable and free with. I certainly wouldn't make little jokes and asides to Austin and Jarrah like I'm doing with Jack. "I guess its no use asking them to wait up huh?"
"They'll come around. Just give them some time." That's almost easy for him to say, and a bit naive too. So much so that I don't feel upset, but keep on as if I was joking. "My people kept Sayid chained to a swing-set for three days, then I dragged Kate into the jungle, handcuffed myself to her and lied about it. How much time do you think they need?"
"We'll be back at our beach in a couple of hours, they'll probably be over it by then." We laugh almost as if lying and deceit and imprisonment has become our little inside joke. It certainly is like a running gag, considering how often it's happened in the last 3 months. But it's a better feel than the nerves I still have, and which'll be at the forefront in a few hours.
Almost before I know it, they fly by and we're there. Even with all the reports Ethan gave us about this place...it's still stunning up close. That these people could almost make a real home out of this, so soon after the crash...it at least rivals the inginuity of Ben's people.
I stay back to let Jack. Austin, and Jarrah have their reunion moments. The happiness and tears coming from them, as well as the nerves I feel when I realize they'll see me soon enough, make it almost go by in slow motion for me. I pass the time looking at the people and recognizing them from their files. Ford I know instantly as he comes up to Austin. The Kwons are right there....and I see Littleton struggling to get up and greet Jack. The implant is working...
After I identify them all, I suddenly see Ford looking right back. "The hell is she doing here?!"
Soon they all look at me. Now we've officially met- and I can tell they've figured out that I'm "one of them" already. Sadly, this is going exactly the way I figured it would.
When the dust settles, I'm able to sit by myself at the beach, content to just keep to myself until I'm needed. At the rate it looks like Littleton is suffering, that should be by tonight. Now how do I stay healthy and defend myself until then? Jack can only do so much.
"Hey." I barely need to turn and see that Reyes, of all people, is there with me. We knew he was one of the good ones, almost to an extreme degree, despite his vast psychological problems. I didn't think he was that good enough to come see me voluntarily- he probably isn't. But I have nothing better to do, so I play along. "So. You're like one of them, huh?"
"I'm Juliet." There's probably no point in holding my hand out to shake.
"I don't remember you from the dock. Where you put bags on our heads. After you shocked us." One of Ben's more over the top methods...
"I had the day off." At least that much is true, and it looks he almost got a laugh out of it- almost. "So I hear you're a doctor."
I correct him by telling him my real job, and we go back to our uneasy silence. By then, I pretty much guess what he's doing here. "They send you over here to keep an eye on me?" He doesn't bother to deny it.
"The last one of you guys that came over here. Ethan? He kidnapped Claire and...Charlie got upset. We buried him over there."
Ethan....so fitting that now, of all times, I remember him. The man who helped bring me here, and the man who's work is making this part of the plan all possible...although we could have avoided this entire war if not for his "improvising" with Littleton. And then who knows where I would be now. I doubt much could be worse than this.
I don't even stick around to listen closely when Jack has to answer his friends questions. I just wait for any signs that Littleton has reached critical mode. Surely either Jack, or Pace, will make enough noise when it happens to give it away. And soon enough, late at night, I hear it.
In order to keep apperances up, and make absolutly sure they think I don't know what happening, I ask the Kwons what's happening. Apperantly Jin insulted me in Korean, so that's probably enough pretending. Once I notice Austin, I decide it's time to get going.
All right then...just follow what Ben told you to say, and this'll be a harmless ordeal- or have the apperance of it. "Kate! I need your help. I need you to go and get Jack."
"Look he's busy right now.", with her usual annoyed inflection.
"Please, I have to talk to him." Of course, that's not enough for her, and I know it won't be. So I have to start spilling secrets. "Because I think I know what's wrong with Claire." Wait for it.... "Because I did it to her."
So when she finally gets Jack here, I tell them everything I can. About the pregnant women on the island, about my medication- about how we really took Claire to save her life- and about how Ethan almost ruined it by acting completly on his own. I neglect to mention that they killed him before we could figure out why he went that far overboard to treat her and get her back, but that's not important right now. More urgently, I tell them I can save her now.
"Look, I know how this sounds, but without those injections, Claire would have died. Without the serum, she's going into a form of withdrawal, and if I don't treat her quickly, her immune system could shut down entirely." Jack looks too skeptical right now, and I still need him badly, so I address him personally.
"Jack! I can fix this. I just need the serum. Ethan kept a stash of medical supplies near the caves where you used to live. If I go right now I can be back before its too late."
Naturally, Austin doesn't look to buy this completly. But Jack has no choice. He wouldn't even let Ben die in the face of all that happened in the surgery, now he's gonna let Littleton- someone closer to him than even he knows- die because he doesn't trust me? That's not in his character at all, and even if he is uneasy, saving a life is far more important to him than that any day. From looking at him now, I can tell he's thinking the exact same thing- it wouldn't surprise me if we were thinking the same thing, almost like I used to with Ben.
"Do it. Get moving." And I follow his order perfectly.
It takes until morning to get to the drop point. If Ryan did his job, then the case should be right there. And sure enough, it actually is there. Something actually happened that went according to plan.
"Step away from the case!" Of course...
Ford and Jarrah both are in their usual angry moods, so this won't be easy. Of course they would keep me from saving Littleton just to get what they want. "Listen to me, Sayid....Its full of medical supplies. They're for Claire. Jack knows all about it."
"Jack ain't here right now, is he?" I'll bet Ford actually thinks he's being witty. But I have to at least let him see the case, maybe the supplies will help him see this is on the level- to a point. "I'm telling you the truth."
"You said earlier if you told me everything you knew, I'd kill you. I'm going to test the validity of that statement." He probably said something along those lines to Ben, too...at least with me, he hasn't shot at me quite yet.
"He means talk.", Ford adds- of course I wouldn't expect him to care more that one of his people is dying, but maybe they still have some reason. "We don't have time for this."
"We cleared our schedules. We got all the time in the world."
This will not happen....she's going to die, and I'm going to lose my chance all because these people are questioning me? Them, of all people? Ford, with all the trouble he caused on the Hydra, and Jarrah, with all the trouble he caused Ben- and all the pain they've caused so many people back home? No...I will not be finished by the likes of these people.
So I fight back the best way I know how- with my memory.
"You know its interesting, that you two are now the camp's moral police. I'm curious, Sayid, how long was it before you told everyone on that beach exactly how many people you've tortured in your life. Do they know about Basra?" His face doesn't betray too much emotion- but I know I've gotten to him. Now for Ford..
"And I'm sure the first thing you did when you got here, James, was to gather everyone in a circle, and tell them about the man you shot in cold blood the night before you got on the plane. So why don't we just skip the part where you two pretend to be righteous?" Excellent....now move in for the kill.
"I'm taking that medication back to Claire. And you're gonna let me. Because if she doesn't get it, she's gonna die. And the last thing, that either of you need right now...is more blood on your hands."
Ford doesn't even move a muscle.
I'll worry about how much I sounded like Ben later...
Once I finally get back to Jack, I have to wait for Pace to say I can't touch her. I just prepare the medicine while I wait for Jack to get him away, and he does so quite well. By the time he does, the shot is all but set up.
"How long before this takes effect?"
"We should see results in a few hours." I get ready to work- but for some reason, Jack stops me. Why would he delay me now?
"Juliet...if this doesn't work, if something happens to her. I'm not going to be able to protect you anymore. You'll be on your own."
I know this'll work, so this doesn't effect me. Not so much as the last part does. You'll be on your own...the story of the majority of both my lives.
"I'm already on my own, Jack."
When it's done, she's asleep, but we know she'll be okay. I go back to the shore afterwards to await what'll happen next. If it worked the way Ben planned it, then they should start to trust me now, or put aside their mistrust long enough. But I still know Jack's the only one who'll talk to me, and after what I did, I've made sure I have his complete trust. That part is at least secure.
Soon enough, he comes back. "Got a tarp. A couple of blankets. Some airline pillows. Its not much but, it'll get you started. Claire's awake. There's a lean-to that we've been using for shade. And, everyone says that it'll be alright if you set up camp there. For now."
It worked. I actually got more out of this than I thought. I almost can't believe I did this right....of all the times to actually have something work, though.
"They're good people." Well, we know some of them are... "They're willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. But, eventually they're gonna need some answers."
And the only reason they still have to ask is because he's fought them off tooth and nail so far. They don't have answers because he won't let them corner me.
After everything we've done to his people, everything we've done to him. Why?
"Why don't you? You keep talking about them. Why don't I ever have to explain myself to you?"
And what he says stuns even me.
"You were there. You were standing right next to me when that submarine exploded. In that moment, I saw it in your eyes. You wanna get off this island more than anything else in the world."
"That makes you one of us."
Even in all the times Ben said I was one of his people, and anytime anyone else on this island said it to me...it never filled me with as much hope and healing as when he said it to me.
For the first time in so long, I'm with someone who actually understands me and can sympathize with me...and these people would understand me too, if only it was easier for them to trust me.
If only they never found out what I have to do to them...
These are people that want what I want...will fight to the end for what they want...and I'm going to betray them.
As I make my tent, I struggle to come to terms with that more than I have since my last meeting with Ben. I remember it as clear as day, as if I'm watching it right in front of me on the island.
"Let's go over it again, just to be sure."
"I drag Austen out into the jungle, handcuff myself to her, then tell her I was gassed just like she was."
I even knew back then how difficult that would be and how much of a pain it could be- though I didn't think it would happen exactly the way it did.
"And if she catches you in the lie?"
"I'll admit to it. Tell her it was the only way to earn her trust."
"Good. What then?:
"They'll take me back to the beach." And now, days later, here I am...staring at all of them, seeing them go about their business as if something isn't coming for them.
"I know you want me to go there....but after everything we've done to them, its going to be a problem." I told him. But as always, he had his plans all set- what would he be without his plans?
"We've activated the implant in Claire, she should be symptomatic in the next 48 hours. By the time you get to that camp, you'll have a nice big crisis to solve." And the timing was perfect indeed. I look at Littleton and see just how fine she is thanks to me- compared to how awful she was thanks to me.
"I'll need supplies."
"Pryce is already on his way. He'll hide the case at Ethan's old drop-point." I already start staring at Jack as I remember what Ben said next. "Tell Jack that you can save her. He trusts you."
I give Jack a friendly smile, to match the one he's giving me. That doesn't help calm my guilt- just as Ben's reassurances didn't help calm them down on that day. But Jack doesn't know that, and I didn't tell that to Ben either, even when he asked if I was all right.
"See you in a week."
The last words I heard from him. I'll probably hear his voice on our tapes, but I won't see him- there must be about 5 days to go until it happens.
Until then, I have to keep Jack and everyone else in the dark, and get what I need until it's over.
It can't be over fast enough...and not just because I want to go home. Not anymore.
I bury those feeling deep down, after finishing my little memory of my talk with Ben. That's what I know I'm good at. Do that this one last time, and it'll be over.
So I return to my blank stare, not letting anyone detect anything in case they're still watching me, and go back to work on my new tent.
Setting this camp up for disaster is as simple as that....in theory.