Post by bobdoc on Dec 27, 2008 13:21:21 GMT -4
I found this Christmas poem parody, Lost-style, at www.filmfodder.com/tv/lost/archives/004887.shtml
'Twas the night before Christmas, and things are quite tense,
Time to prepare for the Island's defense,
Ben's furniture stacked by the front door with care,
That door won't be opened - not even for Claire,
Charles Widmore's freighter drifts miles offshore,
Engines destroyed by Ben's spy saboteur,
Along with the kitchen and radio room,
Leaving nothing but lima beans left to consume,
The survivors are split between Jack and John Locke,
Some think they'll be rescued, some know that's a crock,
Sayid meets with Locke offering Miles as trade,
Locke feeds the prisoner a breakfast grenade,
For recovering Charlotte, Lapidus agreed,
To fly to the freighter both Des and Sayid,
En route to the freighter, some lightning appeared,
Then Desmond began acting totally weird,
He called Daniel Faraday seeking some knowledge,
Then visits him eight years ago at a college,
His consciousness drifts between present and past,
He'll die if he can't find a constant real fast,
Back at the barracks, the onslaught commences,
Keamy makes Alex disable the fences,
He kills all the redshirts to prove that he's tough,
Then executes Alex when Ben calls his bluff,
Ben stares for a moment, caught up in his grief,
Says "He changed the rules", in shocked disbelief,
Then quick as a wink, Ben sprung into action,
Unleashed the smoke monster to cause a distraction,
Ben kneels beside Alex, a tear in his eye,
Tells her "I'm sorry" and kissed her goodbye,
When he had finished paying respects,
Set out to ask Jacob what to do next,
Locke entered the cabin - Ben didn't bother,
He didn't see Jacob, just Claire and Jack's father,
Who said Locke's arrival had been long awaited,
Then told him the Island must be relocated,
They made their way to the Orchid station,
Where Keamy's army was already waiting,
Ben led them to ambush, just like Jack Bauer,
While Locke passed the time away seeking a flower,
Locke tried to convince Jack that he shouldn't leave,
Then said "To protect all you'll have to deceive",
With Ben at his side, Locke slowly descended,
To the underground station as Jacob intended,
After repeatedly puncturing Keamy's big throat,
Ben Linus retrieved a plush red winter coat
And shiny black boots, a belt, and a hat,
Locke laughed and told Ben that would make him look fat,
But Locke wasn't prepared for what he heard next,
A shocking development that left him perplexed,
"These aren't for me John, these clothes are for you,
Jacob's decided my time here is through,
Where I'm going John, it is sunny and warm,
This silly outfit's your new uniform,
The Island's all yours John, you're special because,
You have been picked as the next Santa Clause,
The Others will listen, and do as you say,
They'll help feed the reindeer, and load up your sleigh,
Rich Alpert will be there to give you advice,
And Jacob will tell you who's naughty and nice,
Get out of here John, before anyone sees ya,
I'll first move the Island, then head to Tunisia,
I'll hunt down and execute Charles Widmore's daughter,
To get my revenge for Alex's slaughter",
Locke's face turned bright red and his hands shook with rage,
He roared and he stomped like a bear in a cage,
Once he had calmed and regained his composure,
Locke asked Ben some questions in search of some closure,
"Are you telling me that it's my destiny,
To place Christmas gifts under everyone's tree?
Is this what all of these lists have been for?
I'm supposed to be Santa? There has to be more!!"
Ben said "That's the path for which you have been chosen"
He then turned a donkey wheel that had been frozen,
Just before fading in sparkling gold glitter,
He told poor John Locke "Please don't be bitter,
At least you will not have to do this too often,
In less than four years, you'll wind up in a coffin"
Time to prepare for the Island's defense,
Ben's furniture stacked by the front door with care,
That door won't be opened - not even for Claire,
Charles Widmore's freighter drifts miles offshore,
Engines destroyed by Ben's spy saboteur,
Along with the kitchen and radio room,
Leaving nothing but lima beans left to consume,
The survivors are split between Jack and John Locke,
Some think they'll be rescued, some know that's a crock,
Sayid meets with Locke offering Miles as trade,
Locke feeds the prisoner a breakfast grenade,
For recovering Charlotte, Lapidus agreed,
To fly to the freighter both Des and Sayid,
En route to the freighter, some lightning appeared,
Then Desmond began acting totally weird,
He called Daniel Faraday seeking some knowledge,
Then visits him eight years ago at a college,
His consciousness drifts between present and past,
He'll die if he can't find a constant real fast,
Back at the barracks, the onslaught commences,
Keamy makes Alex disable the fences,
He kills all the redshirts to prove that he's tough,
Then executes Alex when Ben calls his bluff,
Ben stares for a moment, caught up in his grief,
Says "He changed the rules", in shocked disbelief,
Then quick as a wink, Ben sprung into action,
Unleashed the smoke monster to cause a distraction,
Ben kneels beside Alex, a tear in his eye,
Tells her "I'm sorry" and kissed her goodbye,
When he had finished paying respects,
Set out to ask Jacob what to do next,
Locke entered the cabin - Ben didn't bother,
He didn't see Jacob, just Claire and Jack's father,
Who said Locke's arrival had been long awaited,
Then told him the Island must be relocated,
They made their way to the Orchid station,
Where Keamy's army was already waiting,
Ben led them to ambush, just like Jack Bauer,
While Locke passed the time away seeking a flower,
Locke tried to convince Jack that he shouldn't leave,
Then said "To protect all you'll have to deceive",
With Ben at his side, Locke slowly descended,
To the underground station as Jacob intended,
After repeatedly puncturing Keamy's big throat,
Ben Linus retrieved a plush red winter coat
And shiny black boots, a belt, and a hat,
Locke laughed and told Ben that would make him look fat,
But Locke wasn't prepared for what he heard next,
A shocking development that left him perplexed,
"These aren't for me John, these clothes are for you,
Jacob's decided my time here is through,
Where I'm going John, it is sunny and warm,
This silly outfit's your new uniform,
The Island's all yours John, you're special because,
You have been picked as the next Santa Clause,
The Others will listen, and do as you say,
They'll help feed the reindeer, and load up your sleigh,
Rich Alpert will be there to give you advice,
And Jacob will tell you who's naughty and nice,
Get out of here John, before anyone sees ya,
I'll first move the Island, then head to Tunisia,
I'll hunt down and execute Charles Widmore's daughter,
To get my revenge for Alex's slaughter",
Locke's face turned bright red and his hands shook with rage,
He roared and he stomped like a bear in a cage,
Once he had calmed and regained his composure,
Locke asked Ben some questions in search of some closure,
"Are you telling me that it's my destiny,
To place Christmas gifts under everyone's tree?
Is this what all of these lists have been for?
I'm supposed to be Santa? There has to be more!!"
Ben said "That's the path for which you have been chosen"
He then turned a donkey wheel that had been frozen,
Just before fading in sparkling gold glitter,
He told poor John Locke "Please don't be bitter,
At least you will not have to do this too often,
In less than four years, you'll wind up in a coffin"
Pure fun! I very much laughed, especially at the ending of it ;D ;D Thanks for sharing. 
