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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2010 18:35:54 GMT -4
nobennolost, I took no offense to your post about happiness coming to you when you have children. I just want to make young people aware that children are not the answer for everyone. There are so many people who have children because their marriage is falling apart. They think that once the child arrives, they will be enveloped in happiness and the marriage will be stronger by the addition to the family. It’s just not so. The opposite is true, children put a strain on marriages. Amen to that. I have always used the rule of thumb of "Think of how you feel when you're tired and worn out and you hear a baby crying. How do you react?" I know some people can somehow summon parental urges that I never could. I always looked for a way out and felt guilty because generally society views women as humans who will respond to crying babies with love and nurturing as if it were a reflex response. It took me years to finally stand up to that bull — thanks to the help of my immediate family who were very understanding and supportive of my decision not to have children — and not feel guilty. One of the misconceptions of society, particularly of the subset in which I grew up, was that you can't be considered an adult if you don't have a child. I was constantly bothered and pestered about when I would start my family. The implication was that I was not a complete person without a child. Well, having been adopted and having been given up for adoption at birth, I always knew the truth of what it takes to be complete, but it's hard to break down societal myths and bias. |
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Post by Maeve on Jun 24, 2010 23:54:42 GMT -4
LOL Edith-screaming machines. Tell me about it. After a two day labor straight from hell I came home sporting a set of hemorrhoids the size of soccer balls. He wouldn't nap so I couldn't nap. I was sleep deprived for 18 years. What do you get for that eighteen year investment? College tuition bills that wipe out your visions of retirement! And four years later when your efforts have produced a mature adult who has just started to get interesting, they spring the news they are moving to the other side of the country because they want to be a whatever and this is where whatevers work. So they leave you just as alone as you were before you got pregnant. Oh well. At least I still have my hemorrhoids to keep me company in my old age.
We never know why a couple doesn't want kids and it is none of our business anyway. Most US professionals consider the question an invasion of privacy and it is totally inappropriate to ask a stranger. They would consider you to be a very rude person. It is even inappropriate for family members to ask. I would not intrude on my son's privacy by asking him this question and I am his mother. I forget if it was on this board or elsewhere but a few years ago I read a few posts by fans who said they were going to write Michael a letter and this was one of the questions they wanted to ask. I hope they didn't.
Michael looks so damn hot sitting in bed like that......
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2010 1:18:20 GMT -4
It is intrusive, but I have also learned that sometimes not asking those who have children is seen as being dismissive. When I do ask if people have kids — and sometimes I can't tell if they do or not — their faces just light up and they open up. So it is an iffy area. It is better to err on the side of caution, but don't completely close off the question.
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Post by Edith S. Baker on Jun 25, 2010 7:08:26 GMT -4
I don't think that it is intrusive to ask whether people have or want to have kids. It's intrusive to ask why they don't want[/u][/i] to have children.
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Post by lostali75 on Jun 25, 2010 8:01:45 GMT -4
I don't think that it is intrusive to ask whether people have or want to have kids. It's intrusive to ask why they don't want[/u][/i] to have children. [/quote]agreed |
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